The following is a social experiment I did with Facebook friends. The idea began a couple of years ago when I read a (Buzzfeed?) article where the writers had their exes describe them. I thought this must be incredibly biased because while exes probably do have a unique perspective on someone’s character and personality, there must be some hurt that would negatively color memory of that person.

This led to me wondering what common themes would come from people in my life based on my relationship with them. Would I be considered more assertive at work? Would every ex find the same flaw? How would the answers change from people who knew me in my younger years versus those who know me in more maturity?

It is with great humility that I publically publish the results, unredacted with the exception of third party identities. They are uncut, unedited, and without commentary. While my original goal was 100 submissions, after a month or so I decided to stick with the 50 I had and continue with other projects.

The bar graph shows the breakdown of submissions based on relationships. The submissions are in no particular order.

  • Childhood/Formative Years Friend 19.61% 19.61%
  • Mentor/Adult Influence 5.88% 5.88%
  • Coworker/Professional Contact 11.76% 11.76%
  • College Friend 15.69% 15.69%
  • Colleague in Organization 17.65% 17.65%
  • Adult Peer 21.57% 21.57%
  • Ex 7.84% 7.84%

Childhood/Formative Years Friend

Intelligent, tenacious, clever, passionate, caring, well spoken, infectiously optimistic

You seemed Honest and brave Maybe slightly self absorbed, but also you were a teenager I was often really worried about your relationship with [name redacted] and thought he was abusive (he was aggressively gross and creepy to me after you were no longer dating him) I always got a feeling you were religious for social reasons but no judgement because so was I.

I’ve known her since high school. Her ability to convey her knowledge without coming off as belittling has greatly improved. She’s always been a very sweet girl, she’s fair and honest.

Sweet and driven! Haven’t seen her recently but she’s fun as hell and will do anything for a friend. Even if we only spent a couple weeks together 🙂

She was in band

Grace is a very determined, hard-working leader. This has positive and negative aspects – sometimes she can be abrasive or condescending, but she rarely intends to hurt. We have had both positive (good memories playing board games and being silly) and negative (occasional conflicts of personalities and disagreements). She has matured since younger years, and I love seeing her updates online. She appears to be very happy and successful. I hope all the best for her!

Very nice and funny. We were friends in high school but acted like she didn’t know me once I got to college.

She seems to still be that cute and bubbly music nerd I knew back in highschool, and has allowed her passion for music to really influence who she has become as an adult. She is probably more mature that when i knew her in highchool, (I would hope that we all have matured since then). We graduated the same year in highschool and were both in the marching band. I remember going with her, and my girlfriend at the time, [name redacted], (she is married now but i forget her new last name) to devils den one day for a fun little day trip. Any flaws i remember about her from highschool, umm, probably just a little but of bossiness and nerdiness about music, but im pretty sure she inherited both of those from her dad. ;D

Great personality, always had something going on in high school. Since high school we’ve gone different directions but still talk on occasion

Grace is a very caring, down to earth, and kind hearted person. She does a lot for others and expects nothing in return. Sometimes this can be too a fault. She allows others to take advantage of her and throws herself into things without always thinking them through. However, this is due to her passionate spirit.

Mentor/Adult Influence

Grace is always very nice and enjoyable to talk to. We don’t talk that much but when we do it seems like she remembers a conversation like we had it yesterday.

Grace was very social. She seemed very caring about her friends and teammates. She was a good leader but also a good follower. Funny/goofy, fun, smart, nerdy, accepting, confident, and well balanced for a teenager (when I knew her).

I don’t know Grace extremely well, but in the time I’ve gotten to know her and talk with her she has been kind, fun, and always smiling. She seems very driven which is something I admire about her.

Coworker/Professional Contact

Grace is a go getter, very sweet, and honest. I honestly never had any bad experiences with her that I could remember. She was always very polite and professional.

I have enjoyed being around Grace. She is independent and always challenges herself to learn more. She does not want to be limited and I cannot wait for her to learn more. Her communicate skills are excellent and she is very positive. With those traits she will be very successful not only in the workplace but in life.

Grace is ambitious, organized, and efficient, unflinchingly speaks her mind, and has a strong presence. Myself being an introvert, I viewed her as a very loud person, although not to the point of obnoxiousness. She knows how to enjoy herself, but also knows when it’s time to work and always has a goal in mind. She balances her quirky and fun side seamlessly with her drive for success, and undoubtedly has the qualities of a successful leader.

Smart, engaging. opinionated, wounded, caring, beautiful, fun

Professional. Genuinely kind. Courteous. Authentic. Handled a potentially stressful interaction with grace.

College Friend

Driven. Energy. Witty. Charming. Never had a deep enough relationship to discover flaws in each other. She always seemed very open and engaging. She has a very magnetic quality, but also intimidating at times; not through her own effort, but just because of her mix of beauty, charm, and confidence.

Controlling. Enthusiastic. Hard Working. Obsessive. Bland

Nice person overall but a little privileged. Sometimes acts a little holier than thou and doesn’t really associate with people or ignores people she deems less worthy than herself but she does this in a polite political way.

One of those people who will be there for them no matter what the situation is

She is very bubbly and open to meeting new people and trying new things. She tries her best to be there for her friends when they are going through rough situations.

Very driven and very focused. Typical type A person. Also incredibly talented and artistic. Seems to be a bit straight laced which can make her appear cold. But very friendly once you start talking

Beautiful, really nice, a great sisTAU

I don’t remember my first impression of you, and we never got close or really bonded, but I have a lot of respect for you. I consider myself a pretty alert and observant person, especially of others actions and character. You are someone that always seems to know when to get down to business and work hard. You have shown that regardless of what other people are saying or thinking about you, you’re able to put it all aside and pursue your dreams. You don’t let people define you because you are creating and paving your own path. I have a lot of admiration and respect for anyone that can do that because it’s hard to do in this day and age. I hope that you continue to be the tenacious and effervescent young lady you are, and know you will achieve great things.

Colleague in Organization

Grace is strong headed, fierce, and intelligent. The way she forms her words and writes is elegant and always attention grabbing. Grace always gives each person her undivided attention and genuinely cares about them and their life. Since I’ve known Grace she’s always been someone to look up to because of the way she holds herself and her maturity.

Let’s see my first thought was look at this girl she thinks she is intelligent to talk to my country butt! Now that I have got to know her I know that she is probably the smartest person I have ever come in contact with, this girl also has an amazing personality with a heart so big and loving that I don’t know how if fits in her chest!! All in all an AMAZING friend!!!!!!!!@

I probably shouldn’t be answering because my interactions with Grace were limited to 3 or 4 days, but I remember her as very intense and capable. She impressed me.

Kind, tough, smart, bad ass, witty, worldly, bold. She is direct with people, while being aware and respectful of others’ backgrounds. In the time I’ve known Grace, I have seen her follow her passions and interests to pursue various degree paths and careers. She is comfortable with who she is and isn’t afraid to try new things!

Wonderful person to be around and friend to everyone.

She’s always seemed very focused and poised in the brief moments we’ve interacted. We never really spoke however.

Approachable

Friendly,Beautiful, Aloof, In touch with nature, Music lover, loves her family, Tries a lot of new things, Liberal, Goofy, Naive at times. I don’t know her all that well because I didnt really have a that close of a relationship with her. I’m more of an acquaintance, although I would have liked to, but I’m a bit out of her age range.

Hi Grace, when i first met you, it was at Drum Major Academy when I was a lowly 9th grader. I remember you looked like a great leader- you were a great marcher and on a few occasions you were in the finals for the drill competition. I think you won one of them. We didn’t talk that summer, but in the fall you came over to Ramay maybe a few times and I got to talk to you for a bit. It wasn’t until high school when you were our drum major did I actually speak to you. You were always very optimistic and worked hard. I really looked up to you and more than anything I wanted to get to know you better to call you a friend, but that did not pan out. You have an abundance of energy, and a passion for music I used to dream of having. I remember you always tried to make people laugh and have a good time. I never saw you angry or upset. Once you left for college, we fell out of touch, but I always saw your facebook posts. If I had to summarize all this, I would say to me, you were a role model and I will always be sad that I we never got closer.

Adult Peer

Grace is a kind and loving individual with an open mind and wealthy intellect. Though she can be expectant of others sometimes to the over bearing standards.

Confident, motivated, talented, and occasionally a little self involved.

Blunt. Needs to learn to chill just little. Strong willied but with that comes the tendency to want to be in control. But also is good follower. Is enthusiastic, intellegent, and goofy. A great friend.

Grace is a beautiful individual. Honestly thought she hated me when we first met, but overtime it became a beautiful friendship

The very first and only time I was with her in person, she saw me upset and all alone and offered to keep me company. Then hugged me and prayed for me. What a caring, no strings attached person. Definitely a gem =]

Altruistic, friendly, talkative, open, honest. Don’t know her very well but this is the impression I got!

Grace is a very uplifting and a great problem solver. She is great at seeing an issues and solving it in the most effective way. she is intentional about building solid friendships and making her friends feel important to her.

Don’t know her well at all, but she seems to be very giving of her love, resources, abilities, etc. I’ve seen her grow in her friendships in the little time I’ve known her by investing in common interests. She’s quick to invite and include others and quick to reach out when someone is in need.
Grace seems really nice. I’ve only actually known her in a peripheral sense. From what I can see she has matured quite a bit in the few years I’ve known her, which makes sense for the age range that has fallen under. I do get the feeling some of the social things she is passionate about have a lot to do with what it’s “popular” to be passionate about at the moment. I’ve seen her “like” a few things on Facebook that are more about emotion than reason, and that can be a dangerous and misleading road. But I see a very open and beautiful heart in her and I am looking forward to seeing where she goes in life (which I am certain will be far!) Also, and I can’t stress this enough, the fact that she bothers to use correct English is one of my absolute favorite things about her.
Perceptions of Amazin Grace: Grace is true to her nickname of being amazing. The biggest thing I noticed about Grace is her character. While I wasn’t around her very many times, I could tell she was a person of her word and there was a reason that many around her trusted her. In all of my conversations with her I knew she could be trusted, and she kept confidential all things confided in her. She is obviously extremely intelligent, artistically brilliant, and very beautiful. But she is a rare bird in that she is all of those things but also of high integrity. Grace is someone who will stand up for truth against oppression and speak for justice when injustice is being perpetrated. She is very strong. I could go on and on but I will close in saying she is very wise and listens to all sides of things (theological ideas etc) before making a decision. She struck me as spontaneous in terms of being extremely adventurous and always willing to explore uncharted waters, but she doesn’t jump to conclusions on important issues that alter the world. In a word, she’s amazin’
Grace Warren is a very interesting person. She is kind of like the female version of the Dos Equis guy. When I first met her, I thought she was a “one-upper” but I quickly learned that she is actually very talented and knowledgeable in literally subject except the art of fletching. She has coined the term, “gruh bruh” (girl bro) and that is what she is to me. She is a very dependable person who has a service heart and is also a good friend to talk to. She always has valuable input on matters and isn’t afraid to tell you the truth even if it does hurt. Friends like Grace are hard to come by.

Ex

Grace is incredibly kind and caring. She has unbridled enthusiasm for everything and everyone that can be contagious. She can talk faster than anyone I’ve met, but it’s because her passion doesn’t let her slow down. Grace is a warm friend who doesn’t let distance get in the way of letting you know how much she cares about you no matter how life changes things. I met Grace a very transitional point in my life and getting to know her helped me to appreciate myself more and to enjoy life in the moment, not talking it so seriously.

You’re a deeply emotional person even if you pretend that you aren’t. You and I went from being best friends, to an incredibly close couple, to nothing in only a matter of months and looking back I wonder how it happened. I’d guess it’s because of that weird magnetism that you exude that causes everyone around you to love you. That’s your greatest gift and your flaw. You don’t seem to know that you make everyone love you so much, and then you’re ready for the next adventure. You are incredible. That’s all there is to it.

Grace is foremost a very compassionate person. Her front towards people she’s not dating is one of compassion, but completely different in a relationship. Her investment in the person she’s dating is outstanding. I never had any doubts that she was totally invested in me as a person, and a spousal figure. As a person, Grace is very intelligent, though somehow feels for some unknown reason that she has to prove herself. Regardless of this, she has incredible knowledge in many areas, particularly music. Her communication skills are very enviable. She remains a dear friend of mine to this day.

•Very curious, has genuine interest in people’s stories. Wants to know them intimately. •Out going and puts forth tremendous effort to be pleasant to strangers. Goes out of her way to make conversation. •Open minded, could make friends with just about anyone from any walk of life. •High intelligence is evident through body language and dialogue. •Never tries to be someone she’s not, comfortable in her own skin. •More of her business aspirations are evident on the surface, as opposed to family aspirations (having kids etc). Frequently discusses her career goals. Rarely discusses her family goals. •Likes to talk about her past accomplishments and experiences. •Not afraid to fail. Dabbles in many different ventures both professionally and relationally. •Makes witty jokes that are actually funny •Often try’s to hard to let you know that she’s smarter than you. Has a chip on her shoulder that can be a bit annoying at times. Your intelligence is evident, no need to go out of your way to let us know how smart you are. Granted, this trait is probably what gives her an edge in the business world. •Strong woman, not afraid to speak up for herself and what she believes is right. Rare in today’s society.

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